My article, “Are You With The Right Person? Some Warning Signs You’re Not” has gone viral and is now the most-read article on this site besides the home page!
So, I’ve decided to follow it up with an article outlining the signs that you are with the right person, coming from someone with decades of dating experience culminating in a very happy marriage where I do indeed feel like I’ve found “the right one”.
Now, some people will say there is no “right” person. I would counter that there are definitely “wrong” people. Maybe there is more than one person who is “right” for you, or just “not wrong” if you want to put it that way. In any case, here are some signs that you’re in a relationship with long-term potential.
1. You have shared values
This is so important yet often overlooked when we’re in the initial “head over heels in love” stage of a relationship. I’ve compromised on this before and the relationship didn’t last. It is said that “love conquers all” but in reality, it most often can’t conquer fundamental differences in values that you and your partner find important.
The values that people find important are different for everyone but often include religion, politics, and money management. Whatever values are important to you, if you share these values with your partner, that is a really good start.
My wife and I met at a church retreat, so that was a really good start in this area!
2. You have shared life goals
Sometimes you feel like you’ve met “the one” but there is some major difference in life goals. Maybe it’s whether you want to have kids, where you want to live, how often you want to travel, or something else. Maybe one person loves to work out and stay in shape while the other is a couch potato.
Not being on the same page on these lifestyles can doom a relationship even if you’re in love with each other.
A friend of ours who lives in California married a woman from Europe (they met while traveling). The plan was for her to move to California. Unfortunately, the culture shock and homesickness were just too much for her to bear in the United States. Tragically, she ended up moving back to Europe and they are getting divorced.
3. Things are just “easy”
It’s true that relationships can be a lot of work, but in some relationships more than others. When you’re with the right person, most often it doesn’t feel like work. When you’re both headed in the same direction, you’re less likely to be clashing with each other. If the relationship seems very easy, without frequent arguments or compromises, that’s a really good sign.
To be honest, when other couples tell us that their relationship is “so much work”, it’s kind of hard for us to understand because ours seems relatively effortless.
4. There is balance, both in effort and expectations
One key factor in many of my previous failed relationships was a lack of balance. That is, one person put more effort into the relationship, or expected more from it, than the other. When there is that type of imbalance, both partners will ultimately become annoyed with each other for opposite reasons. You might become annoyed with your partner for not putting in enough effort, and your partner will become annoyed at you for being too needy!
I’ve never been able to make this type of relationship work being at either end of this dynamic.
Balance is hard to find but is an important sign that you’ve found relationship compatibility.
5. You enjoy doing mundane tasks together
It can be easy to have a great time with someone when you’re at a fancy restaurant, on a luxury vacation, or doing some fun or exhilarating date activity. The real test is whether you have fun doing mundane tasks like going for a walk in your neighborhood, going grocery shopping together, or washing the dog together. If you value these times with your partner, this one might be a keeper!
We jokingly call these joint chores “parties”, as in, “Let’s have a car wash party”! Yes, it’s a joke, but the truth is we still enjoy even these times together.
My wife and I will sometimes do errands together, even if they only require one person to do them, just to be able to spend more time with each other!
6. The time you spend together is relaxing and not exhausting
My wife and I are both introverted. We like people but spending a lot of time with folks, even good friends, gets tiring to both of us.
But, we are able to spend unlimited time with each other without getting tired! Since we are away from each other during work, we really don’t need time apart to “recharge”.
7. You laugh a lot together
I’m so glad my wife laughs at my jokes and finds me funny. We’ve had many occasions where we’ve giggled uncontrollably like young kids. A good sense of humor is super attractive, but not everyone finds the same things funny. If you can make each other laugh, that can smooth over many bumps in the relationship and make it a joy to be together.
8. You have mutual respect
This is another one that can be overlooked early in a relationship, but it’s super important. I’ve discovered that no matter how attractive someone is, I’ll inevitably lose interest if I don’t respect them in other areas of their life.
It can take a lot of self-awareness (or perhaps trial and error) to find out what you value in a partner. It might be a certain level of education, career success, kindness, particular talents, or abilities. If you don’t respect each other, the relationship really can’t work.
9. The relationship just feels right in your gut
One thing that my wife and I often say is that we really feel like we’ve found the “right” person in each other. When you’re with the right person, you shouldn’t have nagging doubts in the back of your mind.
10. You find the other person physically attractive
So far I’ve talked about non-physical characteristics, but that doesn’t mean that physical attraction isn’t important. You may have found someone who is like a best friend to you, but if you’re not physically attracted to them, there is the possibility of being tempted elsewhere.
Now, I’m not saying that you’re going to have the same spark and butterflies in your stomach that you did when you were first dating; definitely not. Physical lust for a person diminishes over time, but some degree of it should remain.
Conclusion
Let me know of other signs that you’re with the right person in the comments below! – Brian
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