After many years of dating in L.A., I feel like I’ve learned a thing or two about how to meet people. Recently, I thought, “what I would tell myself if I could go back in time and give my younger self advice on how to meet more people when I went out?” I came up with this list.
So, here are my top then things you can do to meet more amazing people to date when you go out. I hope these are useful to you.
1. Guys – Have a Wingman
Many men do what I used to do – go out and try to meet people alone. That is a huge mistake and makes things unnecessarily difficult! A wingman (or wing woman) is so important to provide motivation, keep you in a fun mood, and keep the conversation going with new people that you’ve met. Plus, being with a friend makes you appear way less creepy when you’re approaching strangers. Make sure your wing-person understands why you’re out and how to help you meet people!
2. Women – Leave Openings
Groups of women often have the opposite problem. Women like to go out in groups that end up being “closed off” in tight circles of conversation which are nearly impenetrable to all but the most courageous men. That’s great f you don’t want anyone else to talk to you. But, if you want to meet new people, don’t be so focused on each other all night. Break up from time to time. Go to the restroom separately. This will make it much less intimidating for nice guys to meet you.
3. Cultivate Social Circles
When you go out, you’re probably focused on finding Mr. or Ms. Right and avoiding everyone else. That could be a mistake. Even if someone is not an ideal match for you, their friends might be. Consider bringing them into your social circle anyway to expand your circle of friends through them. This is a great way to meet quality people without having to approach them cold.
So, try to talk to as many people as possible when you go out, even if you’re not interested in dating them. Expand your social circle. Then, invite these people and their friends out next time so that you’re with a big, fun group!
4. Get Advice on Your Appearance
I feel bad when I go out and see someone with an easily-fixable superficial problem, whether it is a man or woman. Maybe there’s a problem with their hair, makeup, body language, or clothing. Don’t be that person. Ask a trusted friend for advice on how you can improve your look.
One thing that women can easily change that has a huge impact on appearance is hair style. I know it’s a pain, but it’s worth spending the time to have stylish hair when going out. Get advice on what hair style looks good on you.
5. Don’t Stress Over What to Say
Over-thinking what you are going to say when you go up to talk to someone is a recipe for paralysis and failure. If you see someone you like, don’t hesitate; just go up and talk to them, even if you’re not sure what you’re going to say. What’s the worst that can happen? What you end up saying might be completely stupid, but it’s better than being creepy and standing silently nearby. Most of the time, even if you say something stupid, you can recover and sometimes it even goes off well! Just keep a fun, playful attitude.
5. Don’t Spend All of Your Time On One Person
Once you hit it off with someone you like, it’s tempting to latch on and spend the whole night talking to them. In some cases that might work, but most of the time you should give them some space and not obsess over one person.
It’s hard to be entertaining all night so it will also give you some time to recharge and not have to be “on” all night. Plus, you should try to meet as many people as possible when you go out – not just one.
6. Talk to Everyone
Being able to make good conversation takes practice, just like doing anything else. So, talk to everyone – the Uber driver, the bouncer, the bartender, the elderly guy sitting next to you, whoever! You’ll be a lot less nervous when someone you’re really attracted to. Talking to a hot gal or guy is really no big deal if you’ve been talking to other strangers the whole night! Plus, you’ll appear popular, which is attractive (social proof).
Do this not only when you’re socializing, but also when you’re out for any other reason. With practice, talking to strangers will come naturally to you. Most people will respond positively if you have a smile.
7. Be Healthy and Fit
Being healthy and fit is attractive. We’d all like to think that we are judged by our inner beauty and not by the physical imperfections of our bodies, but unfortunately in the dating world that just isn’t true. It’s especially bad with online dating where people almost completely judge you by your photo.
Many women (and men) struggle with excessive weight. It’s too bad that it matters so much in dating, but it does. Spend the effort and time to strive for a healthy weight and appearance. (Much easier said than done, I know).
Confront your physical issues head-on by living a healthy lifestyle. Being healthy is very attractive, so exercise, stop smoking, get enough sleep, use sunscreen, and avoid junk food!
8. Most Importantly, Have Fun!
Your number one goal when you go out should be to have fun meeting new people, any people, not just the man or woman of your dreams. You are attractive when you’re socializing and having fun, so enjoy yourself!
Don’t judge yourself too harshly if you met someone but they don’t want to go out with you, or if a guy didn’t ask for your number. At least you gave it a shot, which is huge! And, at least you had fun.
What other ideas have I missed? Please comment below on what you think! – Brian